Letter to My Boy: Finally Known and Always Loved

My precious little boy, 

For just about a year now, your daddy and I have been anxiously anticipating your arrival. Each and every day since we began this process, I have dreamt about you--what you would look like, how you would come to us, your tiny brown hands, and your huge dark eyes. Day after day, I've dreamed and I've prayed. I have prayed that God would keep our hearts steady on Him, and that God would keep you healthy and growing strong. 

We have certainly had some difficult days on this journey so far. We have stood still and lifeless as we've watched our hearts break into a million tiny pieces. We have looked at numbers that seem unsurpassable. We have wept in God's seeming silence. We have rested in His knowing goodness. 

Two weeks ago, our adoption agency had told us that it would likely be some time before we would know who you were. They said that there were not any little boys even close to being ready to be matched with us. With heavy hearts, we prepared ourselves for more waiting. 

But we had so very many people praying for you and praying for us. Many were praying that we would meet you before Christmas. 

I woke up early last Wednesday morning (December 11) with a very heavy heart. I just could not bear the thought of more waiting to see you. I prayed for you. I prayed that God would make you strong, that God would take care of you wherever you were, that God would provide for each of your needs. Through tears, I closed my prayer with a feeble, seemingly hopeless request:

"Lord, maybe today..."

It was just about all that I could get out. I couldn't even finish my sentence—God knew what I was asking. I had come to Him over and over with this same request. My request today was feeble, yet I still asked. I knew what our agency had just told us—from their wisdom, it would likely not be today. I knew I needed to rest in whatever God had for us. 

A few hours later, your daddy and I were sitting on the couch in the living room. Daddy's phone rang, and it was our agency calling. We were stunned. Surely they couldn't be calling to tell us who you were...

Daddy answered the phone. He put it onto speaker phone so that I could hear whatever they had to say while I sat next to him. 

Our case worker began, "Good morning! I hope that I can make your day today. I know that we just told you that it would be a while, but it looks like we have a little boy for you. Would you like to meet your son?"

She continued on to tell us that you had just been brought to our orphanage the day before, when the other orphanage was too full. God had moved you from one orphanage to our orphanage—delivering you right to us. 

My heart was beating about a million miles an hour. I could not contain the tears that rushed over me. Daddy and I were both crying as she told us more about you. She told us that you were just about two and a half months old, and she also told us your African name. 

We waited for her to e-mail your pictures to us. 

And then we saw you. All of my curiosity and imaginings of you were over...We gazed at you with disbelief. There you were, right there in front of me. My son, my precious little boy. You could not have been any more beautiful! Your deep, dark eyes looked up at us—they were full of life and spirit. Your tiny hands seemed to be grasping and wiggling. Your little face is perfect—each curve imprinted on my memory. Your sweet smile were joyful and happy. And Daddy just absolutely loves your hair—so curly!!

We took a video of the whole thing—just for you. We'll have to show it to you someday when you are a little older. 

And in that instant, we knew you. You are the one whom we have loved, for months and months. You see, we have loved you long before we saw your face. We began to love you as we filled out mountains of paperwork. Our love grew as we saved our pennies, were fingerprinted and interviewed by our government, passed filing milestones. We sent our love across the ocean when we mailed in our dossier to Ethiopia. It has overflown in our hearts as we've waited and waited and waited. 

And now, our love has found you...all the way across the world in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. 

I love you, my sweet son. You just wait—we're coming to get you!!

With love, 
Your momma

Note to our Friends:
Thank you for your prayers to this point. We rejoice in God's goodness. We still have a long road ahead—I'll fill you in on some more of those details in the days to come. Generally, our agency estimates that it will be 6-7 months (at the longest) before we are able to go to Ethiopia for our first trip; then it will likely be another few months before the second trip to bring him home. 

We are also not allowed to post his African name or display any clearly identifying pictures online....Although if you come to see me, I will gladly show you a picture from my phone!! It just seems cruel to share this all with you and not show you any pictures. So sorry!! We also prefer not to share much of his personal story that has brought him to this point. We think it best to leave those details for him to share one day, as he chooses. Thank you for your carefulness and understanding with these details. 

Giving On Purpose

If you are alive and breathing and reading this post, then my guess is you are definitely also in the midst of Christmas preparations and shopping for gifts. If you're like me, you love to bless others with gifts, but you also want to fight the materialism of the holiday season. Perhaps you are striving to teach your children to love and give to others-while everything around them is telling them to make their never-ending wish lists of things that they must have. 

So how can you give gifts that have purpose? 

Many adoptive families have fundraisers, where they sell creative items or auction off donated items. Look here first for your gifts. 

Below are a few ideas. These are all amazing families that I know personally who are in the midst of the adoption process. Let's help some children find their families!! So, go ahead-give on purpose.

David and Jaimee Morse-adopting domestically

Please join our friends and their adoption auction going on today only from 7am-midnight CST! To join in and see the items, like Jaimee Morse on facebook and then view the >> Online Adoption Auction << photo album and start bidding! Then share this status with your network and comment on Jaimee's page to be entered to win a $25 Anthropologie gift card!

Their auction is today only!!! They have lots of awesome items up for bid. So head on over, pronto-before their auction is over-and buy some Christmas gifts for your loved ones that will help to bring a baby into a loving, Christian family. 

Stephanie Bartelt-adopting from Ethiopia

She's got a whole etsy site filled with beautiful jewelry. Check it out!!

Susan Dack-helps fundraise for other families (including us) by selling jewelry on her etsy site.

Nik and Stacy Lingle-adopting from Ethiopia

You can purchase one of their t-shirts for just $20! Follow this link to order one.

Derrick and Anna Abell-adopting from Ethiopia

Do you drink coffee? Do you know someone else who drinks coffee? Buy it from here!! They've got coffee, hot chocolate, samplers, chemex coffee makers, t-shirts, etc. 

Hopeful

Many of you sweet friends have been sending notes, emails, texts, and hugs of encouragement to me these last few weeks. My days have been up. My days have been down. I have struggled to think on truth...yet I have battled hard to saturate my mind in that truth. God is good.

I rest in the hands of a sovereign God. A God whose goodness is overwhelming, whose grace is unending, whose love is abundant. 

I have come to a few conclusions regarding this sweet boy who will not be ours. My role in his life has changed--I will not be his mother, but I do believe that I will always have a role to play in this boy's life... even if I never meet him. His precious face will never be erased from my memory (or my computer, for that matter). Rather now, I pray for him. I pray that God will work in his life to care for each of his needs and to find him a family when that time comes.

But more than that, I pray that he will someday know the overwhelming goodness, unending grace and abundant love of the Almighty Father. A Father who will never leave him, nor forsake him. 

So I pray. I pray for this boy.

And I wait. I wait for my own boy.

So today, as I pray, I am hopeful. Hopeful for what God has in store in the days to come.

Ours For A Moment

I have seen him before.

Each time our agency uploads pictures of the children from their orphanages, I scour through them wondering if one of these children will become apart of our family...if one of these precious boys will be my son.

After one of those photo uploads, I was once again looking through the pictures. The first time I saw his face, my breath was taken away. He was so tiny and so beautiful. My heart was instantly overtaken with grief for him. He couldn't have been more than a few weeks old. I called Dave over.

"How could anyone have ever given up this precious little boy?" I asked.

My heart was in agony as I imagined what circumstances must have led to his arrival at the orphanage. No matter what the option was, it was tragic.

Fast forward about one month.

Thursday morning, we received the long awaited phone call from our adoption agency. Our adoption coordinator asked us if we were ready to receive our referral. Were we ever!

We waited (not so patiently) for our agency to send us the e-mail with the pictures and medical report of our referral.

And there he was. Beautiful. Seemingly perfect in every way. Only three months old, he was incredibly small. His big brown eyes peered up at us brightly.

I was smitten. All of the love that we have been saving up for months and months and months was now placed on this sweet boy. He instantly found his spot in our hearts.

We began calling our family and friends, announcing his arrival. We were parents, for the first time. We had a son. We could not have been more excited.

Over and over, I would light up my iphone to gaze at the picture of his face. My son. The giddy smile could not be wiped off my sweet husband's face.

The following 36 hours were filled with every kind of emotion. These hours did not contain the events that we had supposed; rather, our great joy was soon turned to unimaginable sadness.

Before we could even register what was taking place, our referral had fallen through. He was no longer ours. Once again, we found ourselves childless. And this tiny, precious boy was once again without a family. How could anyone give up this precious little boy? How could I ever give him up in my heart?

I felt the incredible pain of adoption. I knew the loss of seeing and loving a child, yet not being able to keep him. What a sad, sad thing. I grieve with his birth mother, who also felt his loss. The reality of the tragedy of loss is a wicked thing.

Although I thought that I would be his mother, my role has changed. My part in his life is to care for him in a different way. Perhaps through prayer. Advocating. I pray that God will reveal this to us over time.

So, we wake up another day. As my thoughts race, I remind myself to think on truth. There are many, many things that I do not understand. There are many details that I do not know.

But this I know: God is good. God is sovereign over all. God cares for this precious boy even more than I already do. 

I replay these truths in my mind, because I can rest in this. In fact, this is my only constant. So through my pain and my tears, I rest in a Father who does all things well.


Note: While we do not feel the liberty to share the details of all that transpired, it is important to say that our agency did nothing wrong or unethical. We did not do anything wrong either. However, due to circumstances fully known only to God, we cannot adopt this child. We  greatly appreciate your understanding in not pressing us for details that we are unable to give. 

Blessings

When you begin the adoption process, you do your best to prepare yourself for what's to come. You read about a billion other adoption blogs, you research, you brace your heart for both the agonizing wait and also for the cruel anti-adoption critics. You take the classes required by your case worker. And you set out on this course. Hopeful. Afraid. Excited. Anxious.

There are many parts of this adoption process that are wonderful and parts that are heart-wrenching--parts that cause your heart to skyrocket with joy or parts that cause you to plummet with disappointment. It's a battle in your thoughts to think on truth.

Yet...another part of this process is so very beautiful. This beauty is found as you trace God's hand throughout your journey. Some of His fingerprints are faint and may be missed if you're not looking carefully, while others are so obvious that they are more like colorful finger painting than faint fingerprints. These blessings are like fuel...charging us to press on. I am thankful for a Father Who knows the needs of my heart.

Today, I want to share with you just a few of these beauties. The recent encouragements of my heart.

Trust, Hope, Pray

A few weeks ago, a sweet friend from church shared a book with me that she thought would be an encouragement. Boy, is it ever!! The title of the book is Trust, Hope, Pray. It was written by another couple who adopted from Ethiopia. It is a daily devotional, filled with excellent truths from the Word. I just LOVE it. It is so solid--right on theologically and saturated with Scripture. These daily excerpts have been like salve to me...This book has been helpful for me to take the truths of God's Word and apply them to my heart and mind as I am battling to think on truth. Keep an eye out for future posts about these. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who is either adopting or simply "waiting" in any area of life.

More Adoption!

Another HUGE encouragement is to be introduced to other families in our community and from afar who are also adopting or have adopted. Some we have actually been able to encourage to pursue adoption, and others have encouraged us to continue down this road. Below are a few of them:

Polanco Family: http://babypolanco.blogspot.com
   My dear, new friend Clarisa is also working with our adoption agency, just "ahead of us" in line, they just announced that they have been matched with their sweet boy

Ziebell Family: http://lisboncreekchronicles.blogspot.com/
   Another adoptive family in our area, planning on adopting a daughter from China, just finishing up their dossier, met them through our adoption fundraiser 5k

Bartlet Family: http://www.joyinthewilderness.com/
  A woman in our area who is also pursuing Ethiopia adoption, we have a mutual acquaintance, her faith and heart for adoption are beautiful

Morse Family: http://jaimeemorse.com/adoption-blog/
   Friends of ours from college/interned at our church, they are just beginning the process of a domestic adoption for a little girl

Thomas Family: http://thomasbabyadoption.blogspot.com
    Another adoptive family in our area, just waiting now to travel for their first court trip to meet their baby girl in Ethiopia

Jensen Family: http://bringingbabyjensenhome.blogspot.com/
   Another family from our agency who has been especially encouraging to us as they're further along, just waiting to travel on their final trip to pick up their baby boy

We have met a few more families, some brand new acquaintances and some who are still considering adoption but haven't made things public. These families have each been a wonderful blessing. I haven't decided if adoption is becoming more "mainstream" or if I am just more aware of what's happening around me--either way, this is a good thing. :) Enjoy following some of these stories above.

Financial Progress

As fearful as the financial part of this process seemed, we were convinced that God had called us to adoption. I have been amazed over and over again as God has provided in incredible ways. Some day I will take a whole post to tell you some of these stories--each one is amazing. 

Many, many people have decided to help us financially-and we have been completely overwhelmed by their generosity. The craziest part about that is how that help almost always comes from the places you least expect.

We have not quite met our expenses, but we are getting close. God is so good. 

Encouragers and Prayers

Day after day, and week after week, I have faithful friends who have come to ask how our adoption process is going. Many have asked for updates, how our progress is going. Many have sent me sweet and thoughtful notes or texts, letting me know that they've been praying...praying that we get matched with our boy soon, praying that our hearts trust in God's timing, praying for the financial aspect, praying for the health of our son, praying that God will impact others for adoption. 

Thank you. Each of you--For your prayers and constant encouragement. 

Update

World's worst blogger...right here.

It has been a loooong time since I've written anything on here. Like a month and a half long time. I am sorry friends--I know that some of you have been waiting and praying right alongside us on this adoption journey. You see, there just has really been nothing to write. No update. No new news...really.

However, this is what we do know:

Good News: We are slowly making our way to the top of the waiting list. Right now, we are pretty close (extremely close) to the "top" of the list. Of course, there are children in the orphanage already--we are really just waiting for those children to be "paper ready." That means that our agency is doing their homework to make sure that these children are truly orphans in need of families. Some of that paper work is dependent on them and some of it is dependent on other outside sources. It could take weeks or even months before that paper work is completed. BUT when it is completed, we will be matched. That being said, we are relatively closed to being matched with our boy.

Sad News: Many of you may remember when we announced last summer that there had been some changes to the program in Ethiopia. A new process had been implemented into the program from the Ethiopia side--the PAIR process--that would cause a delay in our timeline. Well, from what I understand, as Ethiopia has been putting this process into practice, it has already slowed our process up. Courts had been closed, slowing those in front of us, other outside paperwork, etc. However, the main part of our timeline where the PAIR process will affect us is after our referral, before we are allowed to make our first court trip. The new estimate for us after referral to go for our first trip is 7 months. Following that court trip, it is estimated 2-4 months before our final embassy trip. Now because this is new, these really are just estimates--it could go more quickly or it could go slower...we shall see.

We are praying that we will be matched with our boy by Christmas (although by Thanksgiving would be even more amazing!). If that happens, our estimated first trip would be next summer and our pick-up trip would be next fall. To be honest, that timeline is very hard on this mommy's heart. Please pray with us that the timeline would go more quickly than estimated!

Yet, of this I am sure...God cares even more about my little boy than I do. And God will not bring him home a day later than He has planned. Not one day. God, help me to rest in that. 

Already A Mother (Inside My Heart: Part 2)

My son.

He is half way around the world. I miss him. I love him. I am already smitten. Every morning, I wake up thinking about him. And every night, I fall asleep dreaming about his future. I can't wait to take him to the park. For him to play with his puppies, Jack and Charlie. For Dave to be his daddy and to teach him how to throw a baseball. I think of him always. I am his mother.

Yet I have never seen his face.

Some days, my heart feels broken...like someone's squeezing the very life out of it. It hurts. Aches. It's hard to describe. More than the way you feel when you miss someone...it's a deep aching. The only other feeling that I can think to compare it to is when I realized that I was in love with my David, and that we were going to be separated an entire summer before we were married. Oh how my heart hurt as he stepped onto that plane that would take him away. I had never felt that feeling before. It felt like my very breath was being sucked out of me, while simultaneously my heart was being grasped with a grip that would not let up.

I suppose this is love.

On those days, I'm ready to cry at the drop of a hat. In fact, I usually do. Just ask my sweet friends who pose a simple question, "How's the adoption going? Have you heard anything?" Only to be met with my instant tears as I choke out, "No, nothing new." Or when my husband briefly mentions our adoption in his sermon, and I find myself sobbing in the front pew for the next ten minutes. Or when I rejoice with another friend, who's announced they're expecting a child-and as I calculate the time in my head, I realize that their child will be in their arms still before mine comes home. These are the days when I cannot possibly read another adoption blog--follow another story of someone else who's hurting this way. Pain.

Because there are no outward signs of my coming child-no swelling stomach, hospital check-ups, ultrasounds-I think it's hard for other people to imagine what's going on inside. Before I began this process, I don't think I would have understood either. I mean, after all, it's not like I've even seen a picture of this boy--how could I feel attached or already feel like a mother? It seems like most people imagine that Dave and I are just a regular childless couple, going about our regular business. That could not be further from the truth.

I think the best way to illustrate would be this:
Moms, when you found out you were expecting-you already knew you were a mom, right? It's not like you started being a mom only when your child was on the outside of you...no, it started right away. You were so incredibly excited. You began to prepare the nursery. You started to purchase clothes and toys. You chose a name.

This is exactly how I feel. A few exceptions.

I have never heard my baby's heartbeat. I have never had a sneak peak at his picture with an ultrasound. I know he's coming, but I have no idea when it will be. Nine months seems so very short...a dream. No, there is no time limit set on his arrival. It could be anything. He may not be tiny. He may be running already when I meet him. He is not safely tucked away inside of me, where I can take every precaution to be sure that nothing harmful comes in contact with him. No, I actually have no idea where he is. I cannot protect him or be sure that he is getting enough to eat. He could be sick or starving. I cannot shield him from pain--he's probably already experienced the excruciating pain of separation.

But I am his mom. And I love him.

Some days feel like this. In many ways, it's heartbreaking. In other ways, it's beautiful. In fact, it is so beautiful and inexplicable how God could already knit this little boy's heart into mine. God is the Sovereign One who can take a little boy in need of a family and fold him into a mother's heart, long before we've even met. This is beautiful.

Again, I write these things to you not because it's essential that you understand how I'm feeling, or so that you feel guilty that your child only took nine months to get here, or because I want you to feel sorry for me...None of those things. I promised that I would share with you the ups and the downs of this journey-the joys and the heartaches. I don't want to paint adoption to be this glamorous thing. That wouldn't be true. I want you to see the journey for what it is...because perhaps you too will be coming down this road just behind me. I pray that be the case.

Inside My Heart: Part 1

It's always difficult to even begin to capture what's happening in one's heart. Each of us has unique circumstances that are hard to explain or communicate to another soul. Yet in many ways, we are the same. Sure, you may have never experienced the adoption process-the longing or impatience that goes along with it. But you know a heart that aches for something, you know the difficulty of waiting on God for His timing, you know the agonizing hurt of loss, you know the “belief” that your own plans are best, you know the difficulty of waiting for someone else to lead, you know what it's like to miss someone desperately, you know the pain of unmet desires. Each of us may be on our own faith walk-that is by no means exactly like another's-yet we have all experienced these emotions. We each have felt these things as we sought to see God's hand in our circumstances. 

Because of this commonality, I write to you what's going on in my heart. I know you can relate. I want to share the low points of my raw emotions, as well as the truths of the Word that have been a salve to my spirit. I pray that whether you are reading this through the lens of adoption specifically or not, you can apply the truths to your own heart. 

Early on in this process, I decided that I would attempt to be wide open about our adoption process. I didn't begin this blog, documenting our process, so that you could necessarily understand me. I don't write because your understanding is essential to my existence. Or because the only way for me to be loved and supported by you is if you understand what I am thinking. We all have experienced the fault in that reasoning. Your ability to love me is not based on if you understand exactly what I’m going through. My ability to live life and obey God is not based on if I feel loved or understood. 

God has given us many clear commands in Scripture:

"Be holy, for I am holy."

"Sin not, don't let the sun go down on your anger."

"Love God. Love others."

"Husbands, love your wives. Wives, submit to your husbands."

"Judge not."

"Love others as you would love yourself."

And the list goes on. We know these commands. We seek to obey these commands...most of the time. But sometimes, we allow ourselves to believe that we've found a loophole. Generally, we give ourselves these "loopholes" because of someone else's actions. We find ourselves believing that because so-and-so (husband, wife, friend, child) isn’t obeying God in our relationship like they’re supposed to, then we don’t have to do our part either. You know, my husband doesn’t love me like I want him to, so I don’t have to respect and honor him like I’m called to do. Or my children are not obeying me (even though I was sure to teach them Ephesians 6:1), so I do not have to be patient with them. Or this other lady (who I thought was my friend) is gossiping about me, so I no longer have to love her as Christ loves her. 

See what I mean?

Often, we deceive ourselves into thinking that we only have to obey God in our lives if the others around us are meeting our “needs” (actually, desires). We allow the world’s psychology to subtly sneak in to our thinking: I can’t honor my husband because he won’t ____ (you fill in the blank.) I can’t love that person after what they did to me. We justify our disobedience by their disobedience. 

Christian friend, that is not how this life is supposed to work. That’s a broken system. Not what God called us to.

I am expected to obey God independently of other people's responses or understanding of me. We all are.

This first post in this series is more of a foundation. I felt like I needed to explain this before I moved on to share my own emotions. I would never want any of you to get the wrong impression about my purposes for writing. I can still "feel loved" by you even if you do not know anything about adoption. So please do not misunderstand my post. 

We can encourage one another regardless of if we understand exactly what the other is going through. 

My main reason for being this open in regards to our adoption is simple: I want other people to consider adoption. You are probably reading this either because you are intrigued by adoption or maybe just because you know and love me. Either way, I want to pull back the mysterious cover from adoption. I want to dispel the common doubts-you know the ones. You've heard them before, or perhaps you've even thought them yourself. 

     -Adoption is only for people who cannot otherwise naturally have children.

     -Adoption is really expensive, so it must only be for "rich" families.

     -Orphaned children are better off on their own anyways, staying in their native countries.

     -The command in the Bible that tells all Christians to care for orphans isn't really talking about me.

    -There's so much corruption in the international adoption world, we should just stay away. After all, I don't want to have any part in unethical means. So I'll just do nothing.

    -I don’t think I could ever really love a child that’s not my own blood. 

I want to use the truth to help you rid your mind of some of these untruths. I want you to make your decision as to whether or not you should adopt based on this question: Is God directing our family to adopt or not?

After all, that is how we, as Christians, claim to make all our decisions, right? So let's be realistic and truthful about our thinking. Let's allow God to direct us to accomplish whatever He calls us to. 

That all being said, I intend to paint a picture of the adoption journey that is realistic. It won't do any of us any good if I make it sound like a bed of roses. That wouldn't be true either.

So here I share what's going on in my heart from day to day during this waiting journey. Raw. Realistic. True. 

The Wait.

Many of you have been faithfully asking, "What's next? How's the adoption going? Have you heard any news recently?" Wow, am I thankful for your support and care about our adoption! I wanted to take a few minutes to fill you in.

I so wish that I could answer the above questions with new information! Unfortunately, we really have received no news recently. Trust me, when we hear anything--the whole world will know it!! Right now, we are in the waiting stage (but who am I kidding, this whole thing is a giant waiting stage-one right after the next). 

We submitted all of our important paperwork (dossier) and shipped it off to Ethiopia months ago. We are actually at the time length right now where our agency originally estimated that we would receive a referral (matched with a child). However, that was before there was a big change made to the adoption program in Ethiopia. We are still not really sure how long these changes will delay us, nor how long they will take to actually implement into the program. 

That being said, we recently spoke with our adoption coordinator from our agency to ask about our timeline for a referral. She told us that we would likely receive a referral within the next month or two. We are hopeful. However, we have to totally recognize that her estimate is just that...an estimate. There really is no way for her to be able to completely predict how soon things will be able to happen or if there will be anymore changes to the program or if things will remain stable in that part of the world. We are thankful for her optimistic timeline; however, the reality is that we still really don't know when we will be matched with our little boy. 

Some of you have been asking how the "matching" process works. After all, aren't there millions of orphans already waiting in Ethiopia--what's the big hold up? Welcome to the frustration of the adoption world red tape!

We have signed on with a specific adoption agency (which is how most people adopt). Our adoption agency actually works with three different orphanages within the country of Ethiopia. Our agency has worked hard to develop these relationships with those orphanages as well as to maintain ethical protocol in regards to the children and their adoption. In fact, just last week, our adoption coordinator and a few others from our agency were in Ethiopia visiting these orphanages. Ooohhh--their pictures are glorious!! Anyways, back to how this works. So-as children come into these three orphanages and are in need of families to adopt them, our agency is busy doing their homework (checking on the children's backgrounds, personal stories, etc.). Then they match the children in the orphanage with the families from their agency. 

You see, it's not really like there is a giant pool of all the orphans in Ethiopia, and we just pick one. The process is much more careful and difficult than that. In some ways this is good, as it keeps order and helps avoid cases of unethical child trafficking or adoption of children who are not really orphans. In other ways, this is unfortunate, as it obviously slows down the process...leaving children in orphanages without families for much longer amounts of time. 

So right now, we are waiting. Waiting for more children in need to come into those orphanages... waiting for one little boy in particular to be in need of us. 

A few things factor into this referral decision: 

1) We have specified that we would like to adopt a little boy, anywhere under the age of two. So, we may instantly have a toddler, running through our house. Or we may have an infant and all that goes along with that. When it's our turn, and a child comes into the orphanage that fits those specifications, then we will be matched with him. 

2) There are a few other families ahead of us in line, waiting to be matched with their children. Some of them are waiting to adopt little girls, some little boys, some sibling groups, etc. Some of those families have specified that they would like a young infant, while others have specified that they would adopt a child up to the age of ____ (whatever they choose). Because of those specifics, we don't really have a "number" in line. It's impossible for our agency to really give out those numbers. For instance, if a two year old comes to the orphanage, we could be matched to him right away if those all in front of us are wanting to adopt an infant under one year old. The factors are not really cut and dry. That being said, we are getting close to the front of the line--but that doesn't necessarily mean a whole lot. 

3) Closed Courts. To my understanding, Ethiopia has closed down their court system for rainy season. This usually happens. But it can still slow down other parts of the process. 

So we wait. Wait until we are matched...Until the day when we will receive and e-mail with our little boy's picture and medial report. Sigh. Waiting.

Until then, we are trying to keep ourselves busy with normal life--which honestly is not difficult to do. Some days, the wait is harder on me than other days. It's difficult to explain what's going on in my heart through this process, maybe I'll take a moment soon to write about that...

I'm also working to get other big projects done around our house--the kind of labor intensive projects that are difficult to do when you have a child in the house. You know, deep cleaning, organizing the garage and the basement, sorting through clothes and weeding out belongings, painting the shutters...That kind of stuff. 

I have also been gathering some things for our little boy. I can't really do a whole lot with this, since I still don't really know if I will have a baby or a toddler. So, I am waiting to prepare his room, waiting to gather many clothes (below 24 mo. size), waiting to purchase "baby" supplies. I have gathered a few things--thanks to goodwill, target clearance and my wonderful sister (who has 16 month old twins). 

P.S. Aren't those little gray shoes I found just adorable! I can't wait to have a little boy to fill them. :)

So, since pictures make every blogpost more interesting...here are a few of those things I have been gathering!

HomeRun Baby!

Friday night, we held our first annual HomeRun: Lake Country 5K for Adoption. The week was beyond busy with details and preparation for the race. My iphone reminder app was on overload this week!! The to-do list seemed never ending...but we finally made it to Friday--the day of the race.

With our little Toyota Corolla completely stacked with race supplies (and our good friend Jeremy), we booked it to the race site. Soon, we were surrounded with family and friends who had volunteered to help us pull of the event fundraiser. :) My mom and mother-in-law came out early to help me with registration. It was so special to have their help as we raised money to bring home their future grandson!

I was a little nervous as we put the final details into place and awaited the swarm of race participants. And the people came. They came and came. Friends and family and those from the community. Soon, our race grounds were bustling with chatter and music. 

As I was registering people, an older man walked up to me and introduced himself. He explained that when he saw the flyer for the race, he knew he wanted to support our cause. He proceeded to tell me about a young child, who was scheduled to be aborted. Fortunately, the mother was convinced to give birth to the child and to put him up for adoption. Thirty years later, the child had grown into a successful surgeon. My new friend looked at me with tears and said, "Just think, this is what the world would have been missing out on. This child is my son. I adopted him, and I am so proud of him." With that, he plopped down his registration fee and excitedly headed to get ready for the race. What a hero! 

Here's a picture of him with Dave after the race.

To tell you the truth, the days leading up to the race were filled with details, lots of work (race and normal life work), and little sleep. Personally, Dave and I were not in a great position physically to be running the race. Yet, this was more than just a race for us. True, we had worked hard to organize it--But this one was for our boy. Ready or not, we were running this race. 

We all lined up on the starting line (close to 100 people!), and prepared for the "Ready, set, go!" And with that, we were off! The actual run was brutal on me--my tiredness was totally catching up to me!! Yet on we continued. Dave broke ahead of me early on in the race. After about the first mile, my mom (my unofficial personal trainer) came along side me for a little coaching and encouraging. By the third mile, I had caught up to Dave--who was having a hard time himself overcoming the physical exhaustion of the last few weeks. Together, we ran our last mile. It was not glamourous or stunning. Each step was hard, sweaty work. As we rounded the last curve, we were greeted by a line of friends cheering on the finishers. 

My sweet David grabbed my hand to run the last 100 yards. My mom came along side to run the last bit with us. Instantly, the full range of emotions hit me. This race was for our boy. It was so much more than just another run. It was the race to parenthood. A race to rescue our orphan. A race to live out our Christianity. A race to our future. A race, surrounded by loving friends and family--supported and cared for. The tears poured down my face. Hand in hand, we crossed the finish line-a hot mess of tears! 

Boy-We cannot wait 'til you come home!

(Here are a few more pictures from the day.)

Chapman Family, dear friends and race sponsors

Headed to the Kid's Fun Run

                                       

Thanks for helping!

                                   

Some adorable little runners :)

My David and my mom

More friends and helpers

My mom and I

Registration

Run! Run! Run!

Ready to roll on the Kid's Race

Support from friends!

More Friends

My little sister and I :) Her first 5K!

New friends-AND a fellow adoptive mom!

Family shot

Awesome supporters and friends

Sweet family from church, good friends

Ken, the mastermind behind our logo design

My sister and I

More friends

Next Round: An Ongoing Opportunity

Oh boy--I feel like it has been just about forever since the last time that I've updated our blog!! This summer schedule has been a bit of a blur. And although summer always seems to be significantly busier than the rest of the year...I absolutely love it. I am a summer kinda girl. Plus, it doesn't get any better than a good, old Wisconsin summer--filled with mixes of rain, hot heat, sweatshirt days and everything in between. Perfect. I love the variety. I digress.

Anyways, during the summer, I double my work hours as a nanny--so it's a bit of a juggling routine. Between vacations and missions trips, Dave and I usually hold down the fort at church during this time too. Add our adoption and a few fundraisers, and you've got yourself a full schedule!!

The latest thing that has been keeping us busy is actually an ongoing fundraiser that I am pretty excited about. Dave and I have been working hard, along with a few of our A-MAZING friends (Lisa Turner-our race running expert, Ken Young-our creative designing friend, and the Chapman Family-fellow visionaries, sponsorship raisers and movers and shakers)!! With the work of all these people combined, we are beyond excited to put on our first annual HomeRun: Lake Country 5K for Adoption! The HomeRun is going to be a community event--a run/walk 5K to support adoption. This year, all of the proceeds for the race will go toward our adoption; however, in the future, we'd love to be able to support other adoptive families too!! Because of our awesome sponsors (Summerset Marine Construction, The BoatHouse of Lake Country and Boucher Automotive), all of the costs of the actual race (rentals, awards, fees, t-shirts, etc.) are completely covered. That means that each person who registers to participate in our race will be helping us with our adoption costs.

We are striving to create a family atmosphere at this event--along with the 5K run/walk, we've also got a Kids' Fun Run (1 miler, .5 miler, and Toddler Trot), and facepainting! We are also looking forward to featuring a couple different orphan care agencies: Lifesong for Orphans and Evangelical Child and Family Agency of Wisconsin. They will be setting up tables at the event with information for families who might be considering foster care, adoption or even orphan sponsorship. We've got many family, friends and supporters volunteering to carry out the work that day as well. We actually even have one sweet relative who's registered for the race--but will be running his own 5k in Texas that day. We are definitely feeling the love!

God has been so incredibly gracious to provide for each of our needs up to this point in the adoption. We are getting closer and closer to raising the total costs--just a little ways to go yet. :)

If you'd like to sign up for the race, you can register here. (Note: Register soon if you want to guarantee yourself a t-shirt--those who've already registered will have a shirt, but it will be first come first serve on the day of!) If you can walk or run, and you'd like to help us on our journey, come on out to the YMCA at Pabst Farms (head back toward the Miracle Fields) on Friday night! Packet pick-up and day of registration go from 4:45-6:00, and the race begins at 6:30 PM.  Hope to see you there!