Sisterhood of Strength

There have been many times throughout these last few months when, in my flesh, I have pleaded with God. I have wished that He would have chosen a different way for us--a way that didn't include having a son who may never be able to come home, who was caught in the midst of an agency's scandal, a way that wasn't so painful with no end in sight. Many times, my mind has battled, "If only...God would have done it a different way."

I sit here today, again not really knowing where my son is. Not really knowing what is being done to gather his needed clearances. Having a nursery upstairs, that is just about finished--yet I cannot bring myself to place the final piece of furniture into it, a crib. Wondering if this adoption will ever be completed. If my now eight month old son will ever be held within my arms or know the sound of my voice. If I will ever see another picture of his face or actually meet him in real life.

Many days have been dark and felt hopeless.

To be honest, I have never been in this place before. I have always been a carefree, go with the flow type of person. Whatever God wills, that is what will be done. But not now. Now I must battle in my mind each day to remember that God is good. God is sovereign. 150 Psalms have been my lifeline, reminding me Who God is. To lift myself up out of low hopelessness and to remember that God is at work--in so many ways. He is at work in my adoption yet, though it remains unseen. But beyond that, He is at work in this world, wielding the sword of the Gospel across hearts that so desperately need the surgery. Drawing lost ones to Himself, welcoming them into His own dear family. He is at work in our church, in the families, in the individuals--pulling them closer to Himself, shaping them to be more like Christ.

He is at work. I just need to look up and realize it.

As I have wrestled with the "what-if's" and the "if-only's," I have often stumbled upon a most gracious and beautiful treasure in the midst of my sadness. If I had never found myself in the midst of this dark place, abandoned by our agency and cast down in the international adoption world, I never would have opened this radiant gift.

You see, the week that our agency was indicted, each of us families found ourselves afraid and unsure of how to proceed. One sweet adoptive mother, started an email thread to a few others of us--reaching out in hopes of camaraderie and support. Each of us added to the thread one or two others from our previous agency, to whom we had grown particularly close. Carefully and cautiously, we began to share our hearts, our fears. Slowly, God knit our hearts together.

These dear ones function much like the workings of a clock. While one piece is high, another is low-yet each part urges the others forward. Allows them to continue to function. The moving of one piece pulls the next forward, almost by a gentle force, certainly by necessity. The workings of this clock may seem insignificant from moment to moment, yet their end result is stunning. Beautiful.

This group of women communicates daily. We advise each other on what to do next. We uphold one another when one receives bad news. Together, we have wept, though hundreds and thousands of miles separated us, as we've read each other's updates on our computer screens or iPhones. We pray for each other, bringing our precious little one's before the Father. We encourage with Scripture and music. While one is low, the others pull them up and encourage them to press on, trusting the heart of our Sovereign God.

Aside from my dear Clarisa, I have not met any of these women in person. Yet we are woven so tightly. I look forward to the day when we meet. Surely, we must.

We are all at different places in this adoption journey. In fact, some had lost their would-be children right at the beginning of this mess. She followed the investigation through to the end and battled to ensure the child was returned safely home to her birth family. All the while, as she grieved, she praised the name of the Father. Her example of strength and righteousness has stuck with me--and will always. Another had been expectantly waiting to receive her referral, only to find herself still without a child. Many have since been able to take steps forward, yet each have gotten "stuck" again as we wade through red tape and bureaucracy. A few of us are still in the position where we honestly do not know whether or not our adoptions will ever be able to be completed. There are missing pieces of the puzzle, that have yet to be played out. We rejoice with those who rejoice. We weep with those who weep. Some are mothers to children already in their arms, while others of us wait for our first child to come home. We all wait together to add these children to our families.

These ones have become something of a sisterhood, offering strength as I fearfully attempt to walk forward. I am certain that they love my son almost as much as I do. I often wonder at how God has brought each of these ones into my life. Their faith is strong and steady. They point me to Christ. They remind me of God's character. They are an extension of God's grace, reaching right into my daily life. I am humbled that they are my friends.

I thank God for them. And yes, with that, I must thank God for the circumstances in which I met them.

Here's to you--13 surrogate aunties to my Oliver--my radiant gift in this darkness.

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

In my last update, I told you that Ethiopia had chosen two agencies to work with all of us families who are stuck in this process. There were about 40 of us families all together. Ethiopia basically ended up splitting our cases in half and assigning us each to an agency. We are thankful to say that we are now moving forward with America World Adoption. They are an excellent agency with a stunning reputation.

It has taken both of the agencies some time to perform their own investigations (again assuring the orphan status of each child) and to get a good grasp of where each child's paperwork stands. At the end of last week and into this week, most of us were given updates about the paperwork status.

To be honest, because we were matched with Oliver all the way back in December, I had anticipated receiving the news that we were just a few documents short of being ready for the next step. From the time of referral, a number of documents are beginning to be gathered for the child to prepare them for international adoption. These documents include everything from clearances for international adoption from MOWCYA (Ethiopia's Ministry of Women, Children and Youth Affairs) to birth certificates, police reports, etc. When all of those necessary documents are gathered, then you are about ready to be submitted for the PAIR (Pre-Adoption Immigration Review) process and to be submitted to wait for a court date. It can take a number of months for US Immigration to be satisfied with all of your documents for PAIR. They often issue an RFE (Request for Evidence) to try to gain more sufficient proofs of the child's ability to come to America. Because the PAIR process is relatively new, it's not exactly streamlined. US Immigration does not always ask for the same documents. Really, anything is fair game. They can basically drag things out as long as they want to. Then, it also takes a number of months to be issued a court date for us to be able to come on our first trip to Ethiopia. In essence, more waiting.

Last Friday, our adoption coordinator with AWAA called us with our update. I took the call, hopefully expecting to hear that we were just about ready to be submitted for PAIR. However, as our coordinator began to speak, it became clear that we were in for yet another BIG holdup. She listed a couple of documents that had been gathered since December (really only a tiny handful of the needed documents). She then proceeded to tell me that we are missing something very important--the clearances for international adoption from MOWCYA. You must have these clearances in order to move forward. Basically, these clearances start at the local level and then work their way up to the national level. So you gain your first clearance from city, then court, then region and so on--when you pass one level, you move on up to the next. There are five levels all together. From our coordinator's understanding, Oliver does not have any of these clearances yet. Since December, his request for clearance has just been sitting on someone's desk in a remote area of Ethiopia. It generally takes some prompting before the document is signed and moved on to the next level...where it takes some more prompting.

She continued on to tell us that these clearances usually come through eventually, but there is really no way to know how long it will take to get them. It could take a month to get them or maybe even up to a year. Our case cannot move forward until we have those clearances. For this reason, many good agencies do not even refer children to families until these clearances are obtained. Nevertheless, here we are.

The other big issue at hand is Oliver's location. Right now, he is at an orphanage in a remote village--many hours outside of the city. We are completely unable to communicate with this orphanage. MOWCYA has given approval for him to be moved from that orphanage into our new agency's care center in Addis Ababa, the capital city. However, it is still somewhat up to that orphanage director if he will allow Oliver to be moved. Please pray with us that this orphanage director will be gracious in allowing the move. If he is able to be in the capital city, we could get regular updates on his health and development as well as pictures. We would also have the ability to send care packages to him. Having not heard anything about his health or seen any pictures since January, I am particularly anxious to see how he is doing. He was only 3 months old in January. Now he is about 7 months old. The months are slipping by, and we are no further on his adoption process today than we were on the day of his referral.

We were also given the fee schedule from our new agency. Before this all happened, God had graciously provided almost all of the funds needed to complete our adoption. We had actually paid out about half of them to our old agency. Now, the new agency requires just about the same fees. This week, we are required to pay them the first half. The rest of the payments will be spread throughout the months to come as we reach the next milestones.

My update today is really more like a list of prayer requests. The undetermined wait time makes this difficult. Please pray that God will move in hearts to dig out his paperwork from the stack and to sign his clearances (moving through all 5 levels). Please pray that Oliver will be allowed to move to the AWAA care center in Addis in a timely manner. Please pray that God will continue to provide the finances to bring our son safely home.  We covet your prayers. Thank you.

Some of you have asked how you could give financially. We do not personally handle the finances. We have partnered with Lifesong for Orphans, and they care for all of our donations and personal adoption finances. They are able to offer tax deductible receipts. You are able to give to them online or via mail. You can find instructions on how to give on our "Joining Us" page.