When we first began this process, I would scour the internet, searching for any and every blog that detailed another family's adoption story. How sweet and precious each of these stories is.
Anyways, one of the first things that I would look for on these adoption story blogs was a timeline. I wanted to know how long it takes to get from start to finish. I would often notice a big gap in time between Step 1: We've decided to adopt and Step 2: We've chosen an agency. I thought these people were crazy! I mean, we will already be waiting and waiting for a referral (a child that is chosen for us by our agency), won't we? How about we speed up that gap between steps 1 and 2! Let's just choose and agency and get crackin!
But now, we find ourselves between steps 1 and 2. Why oh why?! I thought my speedy plan was a good one...How did we get stalled here? The truth is, I am learning that adoption is a game of waiting. We are waiting on God-on His timing and direction. We have done all the research-hours and hours and hours! And now, we wait for God's direction in these ways:
Which route do we go?
1) Sign up with an "all-inclusive" agency and let them guide us every step of the way.
This means that we give them a big lump sum up front and they will basically get the ball rolling. They will begin our home study process. They will help us with the paper chase. They will get our dossier to Africa. They will put us on a waiting list, and we will slowly work our way down to our turn. One day, after much more waiting, they will contact us with a referral. Then they will guide us through the country process (usually two trips to Africa) over many more months until we finally bring our child home.
2) We could scan the photo lists of "waiting children."
These are children who are older (which sometimes means, over the age of 2) or they may have special needs. We could look through all the pictures until one jumps out at us. Then we are "trapped" with whatever adoption agency already has claims on that child. This route can be a great option because you are adopting children that are "hard to place" with a family.
I personally, am just having a very hard time looking through all of these photos of waiting children. How can I bypass one? What criteria can I even use? This one's too old. This one has too many health problems. This one isn't really that cute...he's not even smiling. This one has too many siblings-we can't take them all.
I feel like I'm playing God. How can I say 'no' to a child on the basis of any of the above (seemingly shallow) criteria? I just want to take them all! I want to give them all a home...a family. But I cannot. I am not sure if I can handle this route of pictures.
3) We could go through an independent person, already in Africa--like our missionary contact.
This is also a possibility. It could be much easier or much harder. We don't really have a precedent to go on. We would be personally responsible for much more of the process--to make sure we do everything exactly right. This makes me a little nervous.
Finances
Oh yes. And then, of course, there is the financial barrier. We are confident that God will provide, yet we don't know what that will look like or when that will happen. :) We wait.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Fearful to Follow
Over the next few weeks, my heart would turn between extreme excitement and overwhelming fear. Although I knew that my desire was to adopt, I battled through many fears and doubts before resting in this decision. God had a lot of work to do in my heart and in my mind to keep me thinking on truth. It was time to really take every thought captive. Time to take my fearful doubts and align them with the truth of God's Word. It is here that I found rest.
"But Lord, adoption is expensive. How could we ever afford it?"
Discouragement:
International adoption can cost anywhere between $25,000-$40,000. We just do not have this kind of money lying around. Neither do we really think it wise for us to take out a loan for the entire amount. Maybe only wealthy families should adopt. I mean, we don't want to be sending out letters and asking people for money either. Can this really happen?
Truth:
Philippians 4:19- "And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory."
I Thessalonians 5:24- "Faithful is he that calls you, who also will do it."
"What if we let people down by adopting? Maybe we should have our own 'natural-born' children first..."
Discouragement:
Part of me was a bit ashamed that we were deciding to adopt first. I know how much our family and close friends are looking forward to us having children. Wouldn't we be a disappointment? Maybe we should have our own "natural-born" children first, and then adopt down the road.
Truth:
Psalm 31:24- "Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord."
Psalm 131:3- "Hope in the Lord, from this time forth and forevermore."
Psalm 130:5-7 "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His Word I hope; My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning. O Israel, hope in the Lord! For with the Lord there is steadfast love..."
Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."
I spent much time in Psalms to encourage my heart. As I delighted to seek God's direction, He gave me this desire to adopt. It is from Him, so I obey. My hope is in the Lord.
"The wait. The wait can be so long--up to 4 years. Am I really that patient? No."
Discouragement:
I am excited to have a family. I love children and long to raise our own. But the wait can be so long. Some agencies are saying that it can be up to 4 years before everything is all said and done...before you have a child in your arms. I can't wait that long.
Truth:
Philippians 2:3 "Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves."
Philippians 2:14-15 "Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blamelss and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world."
Philippians 4:6 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
"But Lord, adoption is expensive. How could we ever afford it?"
Discouragement:
International adoption can cost anywhere between $25,000-$40,000. We just do not have this kind of money lying around. Neither do we really think it wise for us to take out a loan for the entire amount. Maybe only wealthy families should adopt. I mean, we don't want to be sending out letters and asking people for money either. Can this really happen?
Truth:
Philippians 4:19- "And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory."
I Thessalonians 5:24- "Faithful is he that calls you, who also will do it."
"What if we let people down by adopting? Maybe we should have our own 'natural-born' children first..."
Discouragement:
Part of me was a bit ashamed that we were deciding to adopt first. I know how much our family and close friends are looking forward to us having children. Wouldn't we be a disappointment? Maybe we should have our own "natural-born" children first, and then adopt down the road.
Truth:
Psalm 31:24- "Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord."
Psalm 131:3- "Hope in the Lord, from this time forth and forevermore."
Psalm 130:5-7 "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His Word I hope; My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning. O Israel, hope in the Lord! For with the Lord there is steadfast love..."
Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."
I spent much time in Psalms to encourage my heart. As I delighted to seek God's direction, He gave me this desire to adopt. It is from Him, so I obey. My hope is in the Lord.
"The wait. The wait can be so long--up to 4 years. Am I really that patient? No."
Discouragement:
I am excited to have a family. I love children and long to raise our own. But the wait can be so long. Some agencies are saying that it can be up to 4 years before everything is all said and done...before you have a child in your arms. I can't wait that long.
Truth:
Philippians 2:3 "Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves."
Philippians 2:14-15 "Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blamelss and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world."
Philippians 4:6 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
"Emiley...I think we should adopt."
If you've taken the time to read our "Loving Africa" page, you've maybe already gotten a sneak peak into our hearts. Through missionary presentations or our own missions trips, God has done much to cultivate within our hearts a love for the African people and culture.
Adoption has honestly always been something that I've wanted to do. As a child, I dreamed of becoming a missionary to Africa, where I would be the "mommy" of hundreds of African children at my orphanage. I wanted to start practicing right away, so I asked for a "black baby" doll for my birthday. My parents encouraged my love, and I cared for my white babies and my black babies side by side. Someday.
Fast forward twenty years. My husband, Dave, and I had talked about adoption a few times when we were first married; but, honestly, we were not in a position to start a family at that time. We were finishing up our degrees, beginning life as a married couple and figuring out how to balance our budget. We had lots of growing to do before we were ready for children of our own.
Soon after we were married, God called us to plant a church near my hometown. This process is a whole other story! Needless to say, it was a few years of barely making ends meet. Don't get me wrong--God provided for each and every need along the way, but things were tight. We never missed a meal or a rent payment. But we often joke, that a baby would have probably starved in these early days. God has built His church, just as He promised (Matthew 16:18), and He has shown Himself strong in many ways. The work that God has done in establishing the church here has been exceedingly and abundantly above ALL that we could even ask or think!
Having been married for five years now, we began to discuss beginning a family. We are excited for this new chapter, should God desire to bless us with children.
A few months back, Dave was preparing his midweek Bible study. As he was studying, I was rushing around the house, preparing to leave for work. I was running a bit late that morning, and I came into the kitchen to kiss Dave goodbye. I found him at his "desk" (aka. our kitchen table), and he had tears in his eyes. Our conversation went something like this:
Worried, "Dave, what's wrong? Are you ok?"
(secretly thinking...I'm going to be late for work. Let's make this fast.)
"Well, I am doing this study on our adoption as sons--how God has taken us into His own family. I can't get over how beautiful this aspect of the Gospel is."
I paused, not quite sure why this was making him cry.
He continued, "Emiley, I think we should adopt."
My jaw dropped. I started crying too. So many thoughts were going through my head. I had always felt that God wanted me to do this, but when Dave hadn't seemed very interested in adoption in our early marriage-I thought that settled it. But no--maybe this is what God wants us to do!
Our conversation was brief and to the point. God was working in our hearts. I could barely contain my excitement as I rushed out the door and on to work. I couldn't wait to continue our conversation that night. Until then, we were both left to our own thoughts and prayers--desperately seeking God's direction.
Adoption has honestly always been something that I've wanted to do. As a child, I dreamed of becoming a missionary to Africa, where I would be the "mommy" of hundreds of African children at my orphanage. I wanted to start practicing right away, so I asked for a "black baby" doll for my birthday. My parents encouraged my love, and I cared for my white babies and my black babies side by side. Someday.
Fast forward twenty years. My husband, Dave, and I had talked about adoption a few times when we were first married; but, honestly, we were not in a position to start a family at that time. We were finishing up our degrees, beginning life as a married couple and figuring out how to balance our budget. We had lots of growing to do before we were ready for children of our own.
Soon after we were married, God called us to plant a church near my hometown. This process is a whole other story! Needless to say, it was a few years of barely making ends meet. Don't get me wrong--God provided for each and every need along the way, but things were tight. We never missed a meal or a rent payment. But we often joke, that a baby would have probably starved in these early days. God has built His church, just as He promised (Matthew 16:18), and He has shown Himself strong in many ways. The work that God has done in establishing the church here has been exceedingly and abundantly above ALL that we could even ask or think!
Having been married for five years now, we began to discuss beginning a family. We are excited for this new chapter, should God desire to bless us with children.
A few months back, Dave was preparing his midweek Bible study. As he was studying, I was rushing around the house, preparing to leave for work. I was running a bit late that morning, and I came into the kitchen to kiss Dave goodbye. I found him at his "desk" (aka. our kitchen table), and he had tears in his eyes. Our conversation went something like this:
Worried, "Dave, what's wrong? Are you ok?"
(secretly thinking...I'm going to be late for work. Let's make this fast.)
"Well, I am doing this study on our adoption as sons--how God has taken us into His own family. I can't get over how beautiful this aspect of the Gospel is."
I paused, not quite sure why this was making him cry.
He continued, "Emiley, I think we should adopt."
My jaw dropped. I started crying too. So many thoughts were going through my head. I had always felt that God wanted me to do this, but when Dave hadn't seemed very interested in adoption in our early marriage-I thought that settled it. But no--maybe this is what God wants us to do!
Our conversation was brief and to the point. God was working in our hearts. I could barely contain my excitement as I rushed out the door and on to work. I couldn't wait to continue our conversation that night. Until then, we were both left to our own thoughts and prayers--desperately seeking God's direction.
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