You are just about six months old now. For four of those months, you have been known and loved in our hearts. For almost two of those months, we have not known whether or not you would ever be able to come home.
God has been doing much in my heart, teaching me more and more about Himself and our family. These past two months, I have been battling within my heart. Battling to truly let everything regarding your situation rest in the Father's hands. At times, my heart has feared. Other times, my heart rests and trusts.
Always, in the back of my mind, I knew that God may ask me to give you up--to tell me that you are never really coming home. Every time this realization came to my mind, I had to ask myself, "Would God really still be sufficient for me? Would God really be my portion?" I have battled to answer this question. I know that Scripture tells me that He is enough. So to this end, I have prayed. God, teach me to know that you are not just sufficient, but abundant.
Please do not think that every day, my answer to that question has been the same—spiritual and correct. No, some days have been deep and dark — begging God to do what I know is best. Ugly.
But son, even when our heart is hurting and we are struggling to think that God is good and that God is sufficient...We have to speak truth to ourselves. This truth is only found in God's Word.
So we must remind ourselves that the God that we knew in the light, when all was well, is the same God in the darkness.
He is love. He is truth. He is good. He is gracious. He is sovereign. He is all-knowing. He is beautiful. He is gracious. He is caring. He is tender. He is gentle. He is merciful. HE IS ENOUGH.
Son, remember this truth in your dark days. It is a hard lesson to learn, but it is so worth the reward. The reward of knowing that our Father is who He says He is.
The week we learned we may not be able to bring you home, God led me to read Psalm 42:
Why are you cast down, O my soul,This precious verse has come to mind over and over again in these two months. I have put my hope in God, vowing that I will still praise Him—no matter what He does.
And why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him,
My salvation, and my God. (Psalm 42)
For many weeks now, we have been praying that the Ethiopian government would grant us favor and allow our case to move forward with another agency. My Son-God has seen fit to answer my prayers with a "Yes." This morning, we received the official word from the US State Department that Ethiopia has done just that. They have decreed that we may move forward with another agency. They have asked the US Embassy to gather a list of any agencies that are willing to work with us—Ethiopia will then review that list of agencies and choose a couple of them to work with us. God willing, by the end of next week, we will have signed on with another agency.
The road ahead is still long and difficult. There are many other problems and troubles concerning international adoption in Ethiopia right now. But—God has pointed us back in this direction. We will fight. We will work tirelessly to bring you home. You are ours. Precious in our sight.
Remember, God has not moved in this way because we had enough faith or because we prayed enough. No—God's working is not dependent on the amount of my faith...but rather, the Object of my faith, Himself. He is all-powerful and all-knowing. And in His wisdom, He has decided that this is best. Sometimes, things do not all work out according to our hopes and desires—and still, God is good and righteous. Still, we must rejoice in that.
But today, we rejoice that God has pushed us forward down this path to you. We're coming, buddy! Just hold tight.
Love,
Momma
