Many of you sweet friends have been sending notes, emails, texts, and hugs of encouragement to me these last few weeks. My days have been up. My days have been down. I have struggled to think on truth...yet I have battled hard to saturate my mind in that truth. God is good.
I rest in the hands of a sovereign God. A God whose goodness is overwhelming, whose grace is unending, whose love is abundant.
I have come to a few conclusions regarding this sweet boy who will not be ours. My role in his life has changed--I will not be his mother, but I do believe that I will always have a role to play in this boy's life... even if I never meet him. His precious face will never be erased from my memory (or my computer, for that matter). Rather now, I pray for him. I pray that God will work in his life to care for each of his needs and to find him a family when that time comes.
But more than that, I pray that he will someday know the overwhelming goodness, unending grace and abundant love of the Almighty Father. A Father who will never leave him, nor forsake him.
So I pray. I pray for this boy.
And I wait. I wait for my own boy.
So today, as I pray, I am hopeful. Hopeful for what God has in store in the days to come.
Monday, November 25, 2013
Monday, November 18, 2013
Ours For A Moment
I have seen him before.
Each time our agency uploads pictures of the children from their orphanages, I scour through them wondering if one of these children will become apart of our family...if one of these precious boys will be my son.
After one of those photo uploads, I was once again looking through the pictures. The first time I saw his face, my breath was taken away. He was so tiny and so beautiful. My heart was instantly overtaken with grief for him. He couldn't have been more than a few weeks old. I called Dave over.
"How could anyone have ever given up this precious little boy?" I asked.
My heart was in agony as I imagined what circumstances must have led to his arrival at the orphanage. No matter what the option was, it was tragic.
Fast forward about one month.
Thursday morning, we received the long awaited phone call from our adoption agency. Our adoption coordinator asked us if we were ready to receive our referral. Were we ever!
We waited (not so patiently) for our agency to send us the e-mail with the pictures and medical report of our referral.
And there he was. Beautiful. Seemingly perfect in every way. Only three months old, he was incredibly small. His big brown eyes peered up at us brightly.
I was smitten. All of the love that we have been saving up for months and months and months was now placed on this sweet boy. He instantly found his spot in our hearts.
We began calling our family and friends, announcing his arrival. We were parents, for the first time. We had a son. We could not have been more excited.
Over and over, I would light up my iphone to gaze at the picture of his face. My son. The giddy smile could not be wiped off my sweet husband's face.
The following 36 hours were filled with every kind of emotion. These hours did not contain the events that we had supposed; rather, our great joy was soon turned to unimaginable sadness.
Before we could even register what was taking place, our referral had fallen through. He was no longer ours. Once again, we found ourselves childless. And this tiny, precious boy was once again without a family. How could anyone give up this precious little boy? How could I ever give him up in my heart?
I felt the incredible pain of adoption. I knew the loss of seeing and loving a child, yet not being able to keep him. What a sad, sad thing. I grieve with his birth mother, who also felt his loss. The reality of the tragedy of loss is a wicked thing.
Although I thought that I would be his mother, my role has changed. My part in his life is to care for him in a different way. Perhaps through prayer. Advocating. I pray that God will reveal this to us over time.
So, we wake up another day. As my thoughts race, I remind myself to think on truth. There are many, many things that I do not understand. There are many details that I do not know.
But this I know: God is good. God is sovereign over all. God cares for this precious boy even more than I already do.
I replay these truths in my mind, because I can rest in this. In fact, this is my only constant. So through my pain and my tears, I rest in a Father who does all things well.
Note: While we do not feel the liberty to share the details of all that transpired, it is important to say that our agency did nothing wrong or unethical. We did not do anything wrong either. However, due to circumstances fully known only to God, we cannot adopt this child. We greatly appreciate your understanding in not pressing us for details that we are unable to give.
Each time our agency uploads pictures of the children from their orphanages, I scour through them wondering if one of these children will become apart of our family...if one of these precious boys will be my son.
After one of those photo uploads, I was once again looking through the pictures. The first time I saw his face, my breath was taken away. He was so tiny and so beautiful. My heart was instantly overtaken with grief for him. He couldn't have been more than a few weeks old. I called Dave over.
"How could anyone have ever given up this precious little boy?" I asked.
My heart was in agony as I imagined what circumstances must have led to his arrival at the orphanage. No matter what the option was, it was tragic.
Fast forward about one month.
Thursday morning, we received the long awaited phone call from our adoption agency. Our adoption coordinator asked us if we were ready to receive our referral. Were we ever!
We waited (not so patiently) for our agency to send us the e-mail with the pictures and medical report of our referral.
And there he was. Beautiful. Seemingly perfect in every way. Only three months old, he was incredibly small. His big brown eyes peered up at us brightly.
I was smitten. All of the love that we have been saving up for months and months and months was now placed on this sweet boy. He instantly found his spot in our hearts.
We began calling our family and friends, announcing his arrival. We were parents, for the first time. We had a son. We could not have been more excited.
Over and over, I would light up my iphone to gaze at the picture of his face. My son. The giddy smile could not be wiped off my sweet husband's face.
The following 36 hours were filled with every kind of emotion. These hours did not contain the events that we had supposed; rather, our great joy was soon turned to unimaginable sadness.
Before we could even register what was taking place, our referral had fallen through. He was no longer ours. Once again, we found ourselves childless. And this tiny, precious boy was once again without a family. How could anyone give up this precious little boy? How could I ever give him up in my heart?
I felt the incredible pain of adoption. I knew the loss of seeing and loving a child, yet not being able to keep him. What a sad, sad thing. I grieve with his birth mother, who also felt his loss. The reality of the tragedy of loss is a wicked thing.
Although I thought that I would be his mother, my role has changed. My part in his life is to care for him in a different way. Perhaps through prayer. Advocating. I pray that God will reveal this to us over time.
So, we wake up another day. As my thoughts race, I remind myself to think on truth. There are many, many things that I do not understand. There are many details that I do not know.
But this I know: God is good. God is sovereign over all. God cares for this precious boy even more than I already do.
I replay these truths in my mind, because I can rest in this. In fact, this is my only constant. So through my pain and my tears, I rest in a Father who does all things well.
Note: While we do not feel the liberty to share the details of all that transpired, it is important to say that our agency did nothing wrong or unethical. We did not do anything wrong either. However, due to circumstances fully known only to God, we cannot adopt this child. We greatly appreciate your understanding in not pressing us for details that we are unable to give.
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Blessings
When you begin the adoption process, you do your best to prepare yourself for what's to come. You read about a billion other adoption blogs, you research, you brace your heart for both the agonizing wait and also for the cruel anti-adoption critics. You take the classes required by your case worker. And you set out on this course. Hopeful. Afraid. Excited. Anxious.
There are many parts of this adoption process that are wonderful and parts that are heart-wrenching--parts that cause your heart to skyrocket with joy or parts that cause you to plummet with disappointment. It's a battle in your thoughts to think on truth.
Yet...another part of this process is so very beautiful. This beauty is found as you trace God's hand throughout your journey. Some of His fingerprints are faint and may be missed if you're not looking carefully, while others are so obvious that they are more like colorful finger painting than faint fingerprints. These blessings are like fuel...charging us to press on. I am thankful for a Father Who knows the needs of my heart.
Today, I want to share with you just a few of these beauties. The recent encouragements of my heart.
Polanco Family: http://babypolanco.blogspot.com
My dear, new friend Clarisa is also working with our adoption agency, just "ahead of us" in line, they just announced that they have been matched with their sweet boy
Ziebell Family: http://lisboncreekchronicles.blogspot.com/
Another adoptive family in our area, planning on adopting a daughter from China, just finishing up their dossier, met them through our adoption fundraiser 5k
Bartlet Family: http://www.joyinthewilderness.com/
A woman in our area who is also pursuing Ethiopia adoption, we have a mutual acquaintance, her faith and heart for adoption are beautiful
Morse Family: http://jaimeemorse.com/adoption-blog/
Friends of ours from college/interned at our church, they are just beginning the process of a domestic adoption for a little girl
Thomas Family: http://thomasbabyadoption.blogspot.com
Another adoptive family in our area, just waiting now to travel for their first court trip to meet their baby girl in Ethiopia
Jensen Family: http://bringingbabyjensenhome.blogspot.com/
Another family from our agency who has been especially encouraging to us as they're further along, just waiting to travel on their final trip to pick up their baby boy
We have met a few more families, some brand new acquaintances and some who are still considering adoption but haven't made things public. These families have each been a wonderful blessing. I haven't decided if adoption is becoming more "mainstream" or if I am just more aware of what's happening around me--either way, this is a good thing. :) Enjoy following some of these stories above.
There are many parts of this adoption process that are wonderful and parts that are heart-wrenching--parts that cause your heart to skyrocket with joy or parts that cause you to plummet with disappointment. It's a battle in your thoughts to think on truth.
Yet...another part of this process is so very beautiful. This beauty is found as you trace God's hand throughout your journey. Some of His fingerprints are faint and may be missed if you're not looking carefully, while others are so obvious that they are more like colorful finger painting than faint fingerprints. These blessings are like fuel...charging us to press on. I am thankful for a Father Who knows the needs of my heart.
Today, I want to share with you just a few of these beauties. The recent encouragements of my heart.
Trust, Hope, Pray
A few weeks ago, a sweet friend from church shared a book with me that she thought would be an encouragement. Boy, is it ever!! The title of the book is Trust, Hope, Pray. It was written by another couple who adopted from Ethiopia. It is a daily devotional, filled with excellent truths from the Word. I just LOVE it. It is so solid--right on theologically and saturated with Scripture. These daily excerpts have been like salve to me...This book has been helpful for me to take the truths of God's Word and apply them to my heart and mind as I am battling to think on truth. Keep an eye out for future posts about these. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who is either adopting or simply "waiting" in any area of life.More Adoption!
Another HUGE encouragement is to be introduced to other families in our community and from afar who are also adopting or have adopted. Some we have actually been able to encourage to pursue adoption, and others have encouraged us to continue down this road. Below are a few of them:Polanco Family: http://babypolanco.blogspot.com
My dear, new friend Clarisa is also working with our adoption agency, just "ahead of us" in line, they just announced that they have been matched with their sweet boy
Ziebell Family: http://lisboncreekchronicles.blogspot.com/
Another adoptive family in our area, planning on adopting a daughter from China, just finishing up their dossier, met them through our adoption fundraiser 5k
Bartlet Family: http://www.joyinthewilderness.com/
A woman in our area who is also pursuing Ethiopia adoption, we have a mutual acquaintance, her faith and heart for adoption are beautiful
Morse Family: http://jaimeemorse.com/adoption-blog/
Friends of ours from college/interned at our church, they are just beginning the process of a domestic adoption for a little girl
Thomas Family: http://thomasbabyadoption.blogspot.com
Another adoptive family in our area, just waiting now to travel for their first court trip to meet their baby girl in Ethiopia
Jensen Family: http://bringingbabyjensenhome.blogspot.com/
Another family from our agency who has been especially encouraging to us as they're further along, just waiting to travel on their final trip to pick up their baby boy
We have met a few more families, some brand new acquaintances and some who are still considering adoption but haven't made things public. These families have each been a wonderful blessing. I haven't decided if adoption is becoming more "mainstream" or if I am just more aware of what's happening around me--either way, this is a good thing. :) Enjoy following some of these stories above.
Financial Progress
As fearful as the financial part of this process seemed, we were convinced that God had called us to adoption. I have been amazed over and over again as God has provided in incredible ways. Some day I will take a whole post to tell you some of these stories--each one is amazing.
Many, many people have decided to help us financially-and we have been completely overwhelmed by their generosity. The craziest part about that is how that help almost always comes from the places you least expect.
We have not quite met our expenses, but we are getting close. God is so good.
Encouragers and Prayers
Day after day, and week after week, I have faithful friends who have come to ask how our adoption process is going. Many have asked for updates, how our progress is going. Many have sent me sweet and thoughtful notes or texts, letting me know that they've been praying...praying that we get matched with our boy soon, praying that our hearts trust in God's timing, praying for the financial aspect, praying for the health of our son, praying that God will impact others for adoption.
Thank you. Each of you--For your prayers and constant encouragement.
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Update
World's worst blogger...right here.
It has been a loooong time since I've written anything on here. Like a month and a half long time. I am sorry friends--I know that some of you have been waiting and praying right alongside us on this adoption journey. You see, there just has really been nothing to write. No update. No new news...really.
However, this is what we do know:
Good News: We are slowly making our way to the top of the waiting list. Right now, we are pretty close (extremely close) to the "top" of the list. Of course, there are children in the orphanage already--we are really just waiting for those children to be "paper ready." That means that our agency is doing their homework to make sure that these children are truly orphans in need of families. Some of that paper work is dependent on them and some of it is dependent on other outside sources. It could take weeks or even months before that paper work is completed. BUT when it is completed, we will be matched. That being said, we are relatively closed to being matched with our boy.
Sad News: Many of you may remember when we announced last summer that there had been some changes to the program in Ethiopia. A new process had been implemented into the program from the Ethiopia side--the PAIR process--that would cause a delay in our timeline. Well, from what I understand, as Ethiopia has been putting this process into practice, it has already slowed our process up. Courts had been closed, slowing those in front of us, other outside paperwork, etc. However, the main part of our timeline where the PAIR process will affect us is after our referral, before we are allowed to make our first court trip. The new estimate for us after referral to go for our first trip is 7 months. Following that court trip, it is estimated 2-4 months before our final embassy trip. Now because this is new, these really are just estimates--it could go more quickly or it could go slower...we shall see.
We are praying that we will be matched with our boy by Christmas (although by Thanksgiving would be even more amazing!). If that happens, our estimated first trip would be next summer and our pick-up trip would be next fall. To be honest, that timeline is very hard on this mommy's heart. Please pray with us that the timeline would go more quickly than estimated!
Yet, of this I am sure...God cares even more about my little boy than I do. And God will not bring him home a day later than He has planned. Not one day. God, help me to rest in that.
It has been a loooong time since I've written anything on here. Like a month and a half long time. I am sorry friends--I know that some of you have been waiting and praying right alongside us on this adoption journey. You see, there just has really been nothing to write. No update. No new news...really.
However, this is what we do know:
Good News: We are slowly making our way to the top of the waiting list. Right now, we are pretty close (extremely close) to the "top" of the list. Of course, there are children in the orphanage already--we are really just waiting for those children to be "paper ready." That means that our agency is doing their homework to make sure that these children are truly orphans in need of families. Some of that paper work is dependent on them and some of it is dependent on other outside sources. It could take weeks or even months before that paper work is completed. BUT when it is completed, we will be matched. That being said, we are relatively closed to being matched with our boy.
Sad News: Many of you may remember when we announced last summer that there had been some changes to the program in Ethiopia. A new process had been implemented into the program from the Ethiopia side--the PAIR process--that would cause a delay in our timeline. Well, from what I understand, as Ethiopia has been putting this process into practice, it has already slowed our process up. Courts had been closed, slowing those in front of us, other outside paperwork, etc. However, the main part of our timeline where the PAIR process will affect us is after our referral, before we are allowed to make our first court trip. The new estimate for us after referral to go for our first trip is 7 months. Following that court trip, it is estimated 2-4 months before our final embassy trip. Now because this is new, these really are just estimates--it could go more quickly or it could go slower...we shall see.
We are praying that we will be matched with our boy by Christmas (although by Thanksgiving would be even more amazing!). If that happens, our estimated first trip would be next summer and our pick-up trip would be next fall. To be honest, that timeline is very hard on this mommy's heart. Please pray with us that the timeline would go more quickly than estimated!
Yet, of this I am sure...God cares even more about my little boy than I do. And God will not bring him home a day later than He has planned. Not one day. God, help me to rest in that.
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