Letters to My Boy

My little love,
My mind often wanders away from sleepy Ottawa, WI. It skips across the states in between here and the coast of the Atlantic. It sails over that giant ocean and bounds through the deserts and jungles of Africa. And then it stops...Right there in Ethiopia.

I wonder what it's like in Ethiopia. I have been to Africa before, but never right to Ethiopia. I have been doing my homework, you know. I am learning all about the geography and the animals, the people and their food. My head is filling with facts about Ethiopia, but I cannot wait to be there-Mostly, because it's where you are.

I still haven't met you, haven't even seen your face in a picture. It's strange to me that you may not yet be born, and yet it's strange as well to consider that you could already be smiling and crawling. I often imagine what you look like and what you may be doing right now. I bet you'll have those big, beautiful brown eyes. I look forward to my first glimpse of them.

It's when I begin to consider what you might be doing right now that my emotions are conflicted. With my imagining, my thoughts race from joy and excitement to sadness and heartache. It is because I start to realize the circumstances that will lead me to you...It could be for any number of reasons that lead to you ending up in the orphanage.

My heart breaks to think that you may be still in the womb, while your birth mother battles her own emotions--wondering if she will be able to care for you, feed you, sustain you. It could be now that she is making the most difficult decision to give you up. What a decision. It may be that the choice isn't hers--maybe her own health has failed and you are left alone without your parents. Whatever the circumstances, I can't help but imagine that you are alone...wondering where your loved ones are.

You may already be in the orphanage. I pray that your nannies will be sweet and loving to you. I pray that you'll get enough food to grow strong and fight off infection. Most moms get to control every little thing that will enter their child's body--from prenatal vitamins all the way through a well balanced diet. I have absolutely no control over that yet. But I do know that God is caring for you. He will watch over you. I pray that you'll be a favorite with one of your nannies--that she'll come when you cry, give you extra formula/food. Wow-am I thankful for those nannies!

I am praying for you! Be strong, little one. We are almost done with our home study here. We just saw the rough draft today! We've already been working hard at gathering our important papers for our dossier to send to Ethiopia. We should be done with that in just a couple months. And then we'll wait--wait to be matched officially with you. We're coming, little guy!

Love,
Mommy